It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written about my fertility journey. In a way, it’s by design.

My last post about self-care was a good reminder for myself, and hopefully for you, to take time when needed. 💕

I know I did after writing and sharing my experience through an ectopic pregnancy.

Unfortunately, life didn’t exactly turn up after that. Had I known then what I know now, I would have spent more time healing.

Trying Again

Jason and I saw Dr. Fertility for my post-op a week after the ectopic surgery. I probably shouldn’t have been so eager to ask the following questions, but I was, and I did.

How soon can we try again? Should we keep trying with IUI?

It might sound crazy to some people given the fact that we had just lost a pregnancy the week prior. 

I don’t expect everyone to understand. I probably wouldn’t if we hadn’t been struggling to have a baby for so long.

Struggling with infertility gives you tunnel vision. My one and only focus was becoming a mama.

Dr. Fertility informed us that proceeding with IUI a couple more times was a good option since we did have success with it. If we tried again two or three rounds without getting pregnant, we should then discuss other options.

So that was the plan, and until then, we would go on vacation to Hogwarts… I mean Universal Studios.

Not gonna lie, that was a great distraction from the real world even if it only lasted a few days.

Back to IUI

Our return home was timed perfectly because I started my period a day later, and you know what that meant.

Back to a butt-load of appointments! 🥳

During my first appointment, they made sure I had “matured follicles” on my left ovary. The right side was no longer an option since they removed my fallopian tube from the ectopic.

Luckily, I did have follicles ready on the left, so there was a chance round five of IUI would work even though I had little hope.

Since it took four attempts to get pregnant, I expected we’d have to go through a few more treatments.

That mindset came a long way because the two-week wait went by a hell of a lot faster than it had before.

Before I knew it, I was getting my blood drawn and anticipating the phone call where I would be told, “We’ll try again next month.”

Wait, What?!

I was wrong!

Girl, I was shooketh. I was excited, obviously, but I wasn’t expecting to be told I was pregnant!

When I talked to Jason on the phone to give him the news, I could tell by his reaction that he was just as shocked as I was.

Considering the unfortunate circumstances of the first two pregnancies, we agreed to keep this one to ourselves until we were in the 12-week “safe zone”.

The rollercoaster of emotions was overwhelming. Getting pregnant was supposed to be the happiest time of our lives, yet here we were.

Pregnancy #3. Baby #1? 🙏

I was told I would have to have my blood drawn again a few days after to confirm my hCG levels were rising, just like the last time.

Luckily, things were moving along as they should during that time.

And then…

Deja Vu

{TRIGGER WARNING: If you’re sensitive to the topic of miscarriages or pregnancy loss this section may be difficult to read.}

When I started feeling cramps a week later, I called Dr. Fertility’s office immediately and they scheduled a vaginal ultrasound.

Not-So-Fun Fact: Once you have one ectopic pregnancy, your chances of having another one increase.

Knowing that and what the symptoms feel like, I wasn’t going to take any chances. And apparently, neither was my body.

The morning of my appointment, I started bleeding, and I knew.

During the ultrasound, they confirmed that there was no sign of pregnancy in my uterus, which meant one of two things. Either I had already miscarried, or the pregnancy was, once again, where it shouldn’t be.

They did bloodwork to check my levels, and I couldn’t help hoping for something I never thought I would.

I wanted my levels to be decreasing. Yes, that would mean I had miscarried, but it also meant I wouldn’t need emergency surgery again.

Later that day, they called me to confirm that my levels were no longer rising. I wasn’t pregnant anymore.

(Can someone get me off this rollercoaster? I’m tired of this, grandpa!)

Based on my symptoms, Dr. Fertility believed that my body rejected what would have potentially been another ectopic.

Time For Healing

For a while, after losing our third pregnancy, I was a bit numb. I hate to admit it, but in the back of my head, I knew it was too good to be true.

When I finally let myself feel the emotions, I went into a state of depression.

Jason knew I was really going through it and suggested I see a therapist. It was the best advice I ever took.

As of today, we haven’t gotten pregnant again. It’s not the end of our journey and a lot has happened since then. I’ll share some of that in another post.

For now, be sure to follow my Insta @Vees.Journey and stay up to date on all my posts on life, fertility, and my dope ass crochet skills!

And do me a favor, look in the mirror, and repeat the following:

“I’m a baddie, and I love myself.” 😉