We had gone through four IUI treatments, as I mentioned in last week’s post. But let’s go back in time for a moment.
The week before starting our fourth treatment, I was overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious (more than usual).
During that time, our pug, Milo, was going through some health issues. The whole story is for another time and he’s fine now, but he gave us a scare. (You can read all about our fur babies here. 🐶)
The cherry on top? The final exam for my class was due that week. I had a lot on my mind. But another start of my cycle meant another round of IUI.
I stand by what I said before, Jason and I are not quitters. But I was feeling helpless after three failed IUIs.
Manifestation Nation
I was in a strange limbo between staying strong and hopeful and feeling like we were getting nowhere. The hardest part was telling myself that next time would be successful while trying not to get my hopes up at the same time.
The tracking, the appointments, and the disappointing news were getting redundant. Something that isn’t talked about often is how draining fertility treatments are on your body and your mental health.
But we kept going.
The fourth round of treatment went just as the first three had. But I had a gut feeling that this time was going to be different.
Even with all the crazy shit going on in my life, I had a positive attitude. I kept crystals in my pockets all day long. I lit a “fertility candle” that my friend ordered online for me. I repeated affirmations and told myself I was going to be pregnant!
You could say that I was in my ✨ manifesting era ✨.
The universe must’ve been on our side and heard my pleas. When the day finally came to get my results, I wasn’t told the usual “I’m so sorry, we’ll have to try again next month”.
IT FINALLY WORKED!
When I say I. Was. BEAMING! 😍
This is what we’d been waiting for, what we had been working so hard to accomplish.
And we’d finally done it!
I couldn’t even wait to get off the phone with the nurse when I texted Jason.
“WE’RE HAVING A BABY!”
When I hung up with her, I called Jason to have a proper freak-out moment.
Then I updated him with our next steps before continuing my workday—as if I didn’t just get life-changing news.
I continued using the progesterone suppositories and had my blood drawn again two days later. They wanted to confirm that my hCG levels continued rising (which they did) and we scheduled our very first ultrasound at the seven week mark.
We decided to tell our parents and siblings, but would try to keep the news on a need-to-know basis. They were ecstatic because they knew how much we’d gone through to get to this point.
Just like the first time, it took everything in my power not to tell every person I came in contact with that I was creating life.
Except this time, there was a slight sense of fear that lingered in my mind.
The Endless Rollercoaster
That fear only increased when, one weekend, I rolled out of bed to pee and I was spotting. Jason had already left for work, so I texted him to tell him I was bleeding.
He called me immediately. I was already crying and freaking out when I answered. Trying to calm me down, he said he’d be home as soon as he could.
In the meantime, I called the specialist’s after-hours line. They said it could be implantation bleeding, which is normal, and to “keep an eye on it.” 😒
I was terrified to drink water like they had recommended, because drinking water means going pee and going pee means possibly seeing more blood and seeing blood, well…
When Jason got home, I broke down. He squeezed me while we sat on the couch, but he didn’t say a word. He just let me feel my feelings and cry it out.
Eventually, I calmed down a bit and he tried to reassure me.
“I know it’s scary, but we don’t know that this will be the same as last time. Whatever happens we’ll get through it together, but let’s not jump to conclusions. If they said this could be normal, let’s focus on that.”
The voice of reason, back at it again, but he was right. (Don’t tell him I said that.)
To our relief, the weeks leading up to our ultrasound went fairly smooth. If you don’t count my mood swings, cravings, and fatigue.
I wasn’t a huge fan of orange juice, but that was all baby wanted to drink. Baby also wanted avocados and potatoes, but don’t we all!
Spoken Too Soon
My manifestation only made it so far. The weekend before our appointment, I started feeling some minor cramps.
I tried not to overthink it (key word “tried”).
I spent the weekend laying on the couch and doing a whole lot of nothing. I hoped some relaxation would make the cramps subside and everything would go back to normal.
Sadly, I was mistaken…
It seems this is going to be a two-parter, but I won’t keep you waiting too long for the rest. Next post will be a heavy one, so bear with me. I will have to add a trigger warning. 😣
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Have you experienced any pregnancy cravings that made you go from yuck to yum? Share them down in the comments! It’s always the weird ones that seem to taste the best.