Am I Pergnat? Pregnate? Pregananant?

Would you like to know if the IUI worked the first time? You must if you’re here after reading last week’s post. 🤭

We left off frustrated as all hell because Dr. Fertility’s office was struggling to get my lab results. I had to wait another day to find out whether my body was creating life or not.

The morning came and went. I tried to keep my mind occupied with work, but as patient as I tried to be, it was no use.

As lunchtime approached, I couldn’t wait any longer and called them. They didn’t answer, so I left a voicemail and hoped they would return my call before I lost my shit.

I knew that if I spent too much time at home during my lunch hour, I would give into temptation and pee on a pregnancy test. Wouldn’t you?

Instead, I picked up some Mickey D’s on my way home (ya girl loves them chickie nuggs and french fries). I would’ve gone right back to work but dog mom duties wait for no one.

The Call We’ve All Been Waiting For

*Bzz bzz* 

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and saw the doctor’s office number on the screen.

On the outside, I was book Dumbledore in The Goblet of Fire. Cool, calm, and collected.

On the inside, though, I was movie Dumbledore. IYKYK 🤓

As I answered, I tried to read her tone before she got to the point. Not that it mattered. She was about to tell me anyway.

“We got your results from the lab…” 

*The 

Longest 

Pause 

Of 

All 

Time* 

“Unfortunately, they came back negative.”

At that moment, I was upset. But I kept telling myself, “We’ll try again next month,” and “The chances of this working the first time were slim anyway.”

I couldn’t bring myself to call Jason. It’s like I lost all ability to speak.

So I texted him: Doctor’s office called. It’s a no-go 😞

I thought I was okay.

That was until he asked me, “I’m sorry, babe. Are you okay?”

Reading that text broke me. I rushed into the bathroom and sobbed silently.

I wanted nothing more than to go home, but I knew that wouldn’t solve anything. Sitting in my sorrows alone, waiting for Jason to come home, wouldn’t make me feel any better.

I splashed some water on my face and finished the rest of the workday.

The Aftermath

When you’re trying to conceive and keep getting negative results, it stings more and more every time.

You think you get used to the disappointment, but you tend to feel increasingly frustrated.

Getting help from a fertility specialist gave me a sense of hope that we’d finally have a baby, especially with science on our side. 

That’s why it hurt that much more finding out it didn’t work.

When Jason and I got home that evening, the waterworks came flooding all over again.

He held me as I soaked his shirt in tears and snot, reminding me that this wasn’t the end. I knew we would try again, and it would be a new start. 

But I didn’t want that.

I wanted nothing more than to be pregnant right then and there.

I sobbed for hours. Un-silently this time.

But he was right. This most definitely was NOT the end. Once again, I had to find the strength to keep moving forward.

Luckily, my period arrived shortly after that, and it was time to try again.

Making More Deposits

I went in on the first day of my period to make sure my ovaries were ready to try again. I took my meds, was injected with hormones, and was inseminated for the second month in a row.

This time, I got to take a pregnancy test at home since the office was closed that week.

The two-week wait went by faster than the first. Maybe I was getting better at distracting myself. Regardless, it was nice not to overthink it. Before I knew it, I was peeing on a stick.

When the office opened the following Monday, I called them with my results. 

Negative. 😔

So, we tried again the following month. 

And the next. Freaking. Month.

Jason got more comfortable dropping off his swimmers, to the point where he would tell the check-in person he was there to “make a deposit”. 🤭

I also got more comfortable taking my panties off and spreading my legs.

The journey isn’t a funny one, but if you can’t make small jokes about it with your “sig oth”, it’s much more miserable.

The Journey Goes On

We’d gone through four rounds of IUI at that point. All of which made me more impatient than the last.

But we’re not quitters. And because I don’t quit, you will get to find out what happened next.

Make sure you follow me @Vees.Journey and that your IG notifications are ON so you know when new posts are up!

Don’t forget to spread the word and share the love. I love reading your comments and knowing you’re still invested in my crazy stories. Speaking of crazy stories, I love them too! It’s only fair that you share one with me in the comments below. 😘

P.S. If you don’t know why this blog’s title is so weird, you’re in for a treat. Check this video out. You’re welcome.